Death warmed over

The girl with the skeleton body leaned towards me at the bar.  She was well past her sell by date.  Garish makeup, cheap knock-off purse, and a gaudy plastic belt with a giant buckle that seemed to cover most of her torso.  I couldn't identify the smell coming from her.  It was a miasma of smoke, cheap perfume, and the  remnants of her last few customers aftershave.  This bar was the stripper graveyard.  My girlfriend chose it specially for me because I said I wanted to go drink and look at girls, so she chose a bar with the ugliest women possible.
There were few customers in this place.  The ones that were here simply starred into their drinks.  Up on the stage was the line up.  Women who had been in the biz way too long and wore their battle scars on their stomachs in the form of stretch marks.  After one beer I was ready to leave. 
"Where's you're girlfriend?"  The skeleton asks me.
"She went to the rest room."
"She been gone a long time.  Maybe she leave you."

My girl had been gone a long time.  At least 20 minutes.  She has a habit of saying she is going someplace, and then just takes off to buy food from the market.  I am thinking she left me here because she knows there is no way I would go home with one of these girls.

I offer the skeleton 100 Baht to use her cel phone so I can call her.
"OK, and you buy me lady drink."
Deal
I tell the Skeleton the number and she dials the phone.  My girl answers, and instead of handing me the phone, the skeleton begins talking to her.
They are both speaking in the Issan dialect, which I only understand slightly.  I keep waiting for the skeleton to give me the phone but she hangs up.
"What's up?  I wanted to talk to my girl.  What did you say to her?"
The skeleton begins laughing.  "I tell her you my boyfriend now and you not want to see her anymore."
"No, really, what did you say?  Where is she?"
"Yes, really, I say you my boyfriend now.  She say OK you can have all the fun you want and she go back home."
I try not to lose my temper.  Losing it at a bar in Thailand is generally a bad idea.  I'm pretty sure I can take the bouncers in a fight, but I don't want to end up in a Thai prison if the boys in brown come.

I look into the skeletons eyes.  She's definitely on Yaa Baa, the Thai equivalent of Crystal Meth, which would explain her physique.  Either that or AIDS.

"Can you call her back please?  That's not funny.  Mai talok.  You understand?"
The skeleton puts her hand on my leg.  "I want to take you to hotel.  Then I want to kill you in your sleep, and take your money."
Her giggle is that of the possessed, or the insane.  I assume she is trying to disarm me by stating what I am thinking when it is actually the truth.  Similar to joking with  a friend that you are banging his wife, when you really are.

"Look, I have no money to steal.  I'm key nok, (literally bird shit, which is a euphemism for cheapskate) call her back and I'll give you 200 Baht."

The skeleton hits the redial button, and my girl picks up the phone.  The skeleton begins talking to her again.
I try and snatch the phone from her hand but she holds it away from me, and we begin to scuffle.  Now the whole bar is looking at us and the bouncers are heading over.  The skeleton hands me the phone politely and tries to compose herself.  She waves the bouncers away before they get to us.

"Honey, where are you?"
I just hear sniffling on the other end of the line.
"I don't know what that crazy girl said to you but it's not true.  Where are you?"
"I go to buy kanom (snacks), and let you have fun."
"OK, fun's over, come back and get me, I'll wait outside."
more sniffling...
"OK, I come get you soon."

Now I feel like an asshole.

I give the skeleton back her phone, and start to leave.
"You give me 300 Baht, and pay for drink."  She says

Fuck it.  Just pay it and go.  I hand the Skeleton her money, and then notice the scar on her wrist as she reaches for it.  Most likely self-inflicted, but I am way past giving a shit.  She sees me looking at her scar.

"Monk tell me my next life going to be good one, so one time I try to go to next life early."

I don't know if she's aware that in Buddhism, suicide isn't exactly the fast track to a good rebirth.  Then again, after looking at her, anything would be considered a step up.

Outside, it is Friday night on Soi 4.  Alcoholic zombies dragging their girls through piles of garbage and vomit.  The street is littered with the detritus of food stalls.  A cat sits patiently, starring up at lizard on a vendors umbrella. 

The cat waits next to me while I wait for my girl to arrive.  It is the only snapshot I take that evening.  Punters in the bar areas get a little touchy if you take photos of them.

People watching on Soi 4 is some of the best in the world.  If anything, for the sense that at least I'm not THAT guy.  Holy fucking shit.  If you ever need a boost to your self-esteem, go to Soi 4 and look around for an hour or two.

My girl arrives after 20 minutes, carrying several bags of food.  I am expecting her to be mad at me but she is all smiles.
"Honey, you like mango?"
"Yeah, sure.  Why'd you leave me there for so long?  I had to pay that crazy lady 300 Baht to call you?"
"You pay her 300 Baht?  OK, I go get it back for you."
"No, just forget it.  I wanna go."
"It OK, I go get back for you."

My girl hands me the bags of food and enters the bar.  I am expecting a cat fight to erupt, but she emerges from the bar a few minutes later along with the skeleton.

The skeleton puts her hands together and wai's me.  I wai back.

"OK, we go now."  My girl says.

We start walking down Soi 4 towards the sky train.  The cat and lizard are both gone.

"Did you get the money back?"
"Yes I get it.  I hold for you OK?"
"What'd you say to her?"
"Nothing.  Just ask for money back and she give."
"That's it?"
"I also say why you charge my boyfriend 300 Baht for phone call when I already give you 300 Baht to watch him for me?"

Little fucker.

"You paid that girl to talk to me?"
"Yes."

Nothing more needed to be said.  My sneaky little shit girlfriend paid the skeleton to talk to me so the other girls would leave me alone.

"You know, that girl said she wanted to kill me in my sleep."
"Really? Aww...no, she say it wrong.  I tell her to say she going to cut off your banana instead."

We walk to the skytrain and head back to our hotel.  The motion of the train makes my girl fall asleep on my shoulder.  I can see her reflection in the window opposite us.  I am still in love with her.  Just a lot more afraid.