Saturday, November 27, 2010

Amor Fati

Waiting for my luggage at Suvarnabhumi airport in Bangkok.  The man next to me is an unusual sight in these parts.  He is pure East LA Cholo; decked out in Dickies shorts, wife beater, knee-high white socks, and a Dodgers hat.  As I scan him, he gives me the "What's up homie?" nod.

-Long fuckn flight huh? The Vato asks.
-Yeah man.  Really fuckn long.
-You from LA?
-Yeah, Redondo Beach. 
-Cool man.
-How bout you?  I ask him.
-You know Monterey Park?
-Yeah man.  Been out there before.
-No.  For Reals?
-Yeah, dated a Mexican girl out there before.
-Cool
-First time in Bangkok?  I ask him.
-Nah man, this is my fourth trip this year.
-No shit?
-How bout you?  He asks.
-My third trip.  I got a lady out here.
-Don't we all, huh?  I fuckn hate American women.  He says
-I feel you man.  (I'm trying my best to channel my best Homie/Vato lingo, but I come across whiter than ever.  He is somewhat trying to channel West Side white boy.  We meet in the middle somewhere.)

-Seriously bro.  My girl is so fuckn good to me.  She's hot as fuck, and treats me like a king and shit. She's waitn for me outside.
-Me too.  I tell him

Having established our mutual disdain for American women, we wait in silence for our luggage.  I scan the Vato again, taking in his gang tattoos.  He did time in prison.  I can just tell.  Years of training Muay Thai to both cops and crooks I guess.

His teeth are clenched and he seems nervous as his bags arrive.  He waits for a few minutes, as though he's waiting for me, and then when mine arrive we begin walking together.  Vato seems wound up.  I start to deliberately lag behind and give him a wide berth as we approach the police x-ray machine.  He takes a deep breath and approaches the police.  The cops simply wave him on, and then wave me on too.  Relief seems to pass over him.  I ask the cops where the restroom is, and go to where they point.  Inside, Vato is running cold water over his shaved head.
We resume our talk on our way to the exit.

-Where you stayin?  He asks
-Bang Kapi, then Sisaket.
-Where's that?
-It's out in Butt Fuck Egypt.  I tell him
-Nothn wrong with the BFE man.  My lady's from way the fuck out there too.

The Vato's eyes light up.
-There's my girl.  He points

I look ahead at the faces in the arrival section.  It is a microcosm of Thailand itself:  Ordinary folks, business people, bar girls awaiting their time share boyfriends, and the ubiquitous ladyboy.  One girl looks like she got hit in the face with a shovel and tried to cover the wreckage with blue eye shadow.  She's the one who Vato is elated to see.
Vato gives Shovel Face a big hug.  She tenderly holds his face in her hands and gives him a "hom joop", or sniff kiss.  Vato introduces me to her, and I give her a wai.  It's hard to look at her face, lest a micro-expression of disgust crosses my face and fuck up my greeting.  I can't tell if she is deformed or was in some sort of accident.  Vato is a fairly handsome homie, and the two of them don't seem a likely pair.  Then again, I'm a fat fuck, and I still don't know what my girl sees in me.
The Vato and Shovel Face hold hands and walk with me until I see my lady. 
-There's my chick.  I say proudly, then feel like an asshole for my one-upmanship.

My girl is waiting for me in tight jeans, high heels, and a T-shirt depicting a monkey with his middle finger up.  Classy...
She opens her mouth before I can say anything.

-Oi!  I wait for so long.  You say plane come at ten o' cok.  Now it two o' cok in morning!  Why you make me come early if plane going to be late?
-I'm sorry baby.  I tell her.

She continues her greeting. 
-It very hot.  Now I tired and want to sleep already.  Hurry up.  We go now.  I don't eat dinner because I wait for you.
-I didn't eat dinner either.  I say.
-You fat.  You don't need dinner.
I move towards my girl for a hug, but she wiggles away from me.
-You stink.  She tells me.

I turn towards vato.  He has his arm around the waist of Shovel Face.  Their faces appear to be glowing.
-I'll leave you two alone.  Have a good trip bro.  He says.

We shake hands and then Vato leads Shovel Face out of the airport.
I turn back to my girl.
-Thanks.  I was going to inroduce you to a friend of mine from LA but you just start yelling at me and complaining as soon as I see you.
-That your friend?  My girl asks
-Yeah
-What he name?
-Ummm....his nickname is Vato
-He Mexico?
-Yeah, he Mexico.  I say.
-That he girlfriend?
-Yeah.  She very nice to him.  When she see him, she give him big hug and nice to him.  You just yell at me that you wait so long.

My girl shrugs.
-Ok.  You want to trade girlfriend with he?  Or you want to shut up and maybe I nice to you tomorrow?

I lower my head.  After a 17 hour flight, I know I can't win this.

-I guess I'll shut up and wait for you to be nicer to me tomorrow.  I say.
-OK.  Then let's get taxi and go hotel.  Maybe you lucky, and I don't make you sleep on floor tonight.

With that, we walk out of the airport and into the familiar heat of Thailand.  My girl begins telling a cab driver where to go in the Issan dialect.  I can see her skin has become darker since last time I saw her, from working on the farm.  I catch a glimpse of the flawless brown skin on her belly as her T-shirt with the fuck you monkey on it rises slightly.  I study her cheek bones, and her silky black hair.  The Screamin Jay Hawkins song "I put a spell on you"  pops into my head.

Inside the Taxi, my girl puts her legs across mine and falls asleep.  My sense of self is renewed.  I am a foot stool for all of the beauties that have come and gone in my life.  I think about Vato and shovel face, and the affection they had.  Then I watch my angry angel sleeping soundly.  Knowing full well that I have a good thing even when it's bad.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Death warmed over

The girl with the skeleton body leaned towards me at the bar.  She was well past her sell by date.  Garish makeup, cheap knock-off purse, and a gaudy plastic belt with a giant buckle that seemed to cover most of her torso.  I couldn't identify the smell coming from her.  It was a miasma of smoke, cheap perfume, and the  remnants of her last few customers aftershave.  This bar was the stripper graveyard.  My girlfriend chose it specially for me because I said I wanted to go drink and look at girls, so she chose a bar with the ugliest women possible.
There were few customers in this place.  The ones that were here simply starred into their drinks.  Up on the stage was the line up.  Women who had been in the biz way too long and wore their battle scars on their stomachs in the form of stretch marks.  After one beer I was ready to leave. 
"Where's you're girlfriend?"  The skeleton asks me.
"She went to the rest room."
"She been gone a long time.  Maybe she leave you."

My girl had been gone a long time.  At least 20 minutes.  She has a habit of saying she is going someplace, and then just takes off to buy food from the market.  I am thinking she left me here because she knows there is no way I would go home with one of these girls.

I offer the skeleton 100 Baht to use her cel phone so I can call her.
"OK, and you buy me lady drink."
Deal
I tell the Skeleton the number and she dials the phone.  My girl answers, and instead of handing me the phone, the skeleton begins talking to her.
They are both speaking in the Issan dialect, which I only understand slightly.  I keep waiting for the skeleton to give me the phone but she hangs up.
"What's up?  I wanted to talk to my girl.  What did you say to her?"
The skeleton begins laughing.  "I tell her you my boyfriend now and you not want to see her anymore."
"No, really, what did you say?  Where is she?"
"Yes, really, I say you my boyfriend now.  She say OK you can have all the fun you want and she go back home."
I try not to lose my temper.  Losing it at a bar in Thailand is generally a bad idea.  I'm pretty sure I can take the bouncers in a fight, but I don't want to end up in a Thai prison if the boys in brown come.

I look into the skeletons eyes.  She's definitely on Yaa Baa, the Thai equivalent of Crystal Meth, which would explain her physique.  Either that or AIDS.

"Can you call her back please?  That's not funny.  Mai talok.  You understand?"
The skeleton puts her hand on my leg.  "I want to take you to hotel.  Then I want to kill you in your sleep, and take your money."
Her giggle is that of the possessed, or the insane.  I assume she is trying to disarm me by stating what I am thinking when it is actually the truth.  Similar to joking with  a friend that you are banging his wife, when you really are.

"Look, I have no money to steal.  I'm key nok, (literally bird shit, which is a euphemism for cheapskate) call her back and I'll give you 200 Baht."

The skeleton hits the redial button, and my girl picks up the phone.  The skeleton begins talking to her again.
I try and snatch the phone from her hand but she holds it away from me, and we begin to scuffle.  Now the whole bar is looking at us and the bouncers are heading over.  The skeleton hands me the phone politely and tries to compose herself.  She waves the bouncers away before they get to us.

"Honey, where are you?"
I just hear sniffling on the other end of the line.
"I don't know what that crazy girl said to you but it's not true.  Where are you?"
"I go to buy kanom (snacks), and let you have fun."
"OK, fun's over, come back and get me, I'll wait outside."
more sniffling...
"OK, I come get you soon."

Now I feel like an asshole.

I give the skeleton back her phone, and start to leave.
"You give me 300 Baht, and pay for drink."  She says

Fuck it.  Just pay it and go.  I hand the Skeleton her money, and then notice the scar on her wrist as she reaches for it.  Most likely self-inflicted, but I am way past giving a shit.  She sees me looking at her scar.

"Monk tell me my next life going to be good one, so one time I try to go to next life early."

I don't know if she's aware that in Buddhism, suicide isn't exactly the fast track to a good rebirth.  Then again, after looking at her, anything would be considered a step up.

Outside, it is Friday night on Soi 4.  Alcoholic zombies dragging their girls through piles of garbage and vomit.  The street is littered with the detritus of food stalls.  A cat sits patiently, starring up at lizard on a vendors umbrella. 



The cat waits next to me while I wait for my girl to arrive.  It is the only snapshot I take that evening.  Punters in the bar areas get a little touchy if you take photos of them.

People watching on Soi 4 is some of the best in the world.  If anything, for the sense that at least I'm not THAT guy.  Holy fucking shit.  If you ever need a boost to your self-esteem, go to Soi 4 and look around for an hour or two.

My girl arrives after 20 minutes, carrying several bags of food.  I am expecting her to be mad at me but she is all smiles.
"Honey, you like mango?"
"Yeah, sure.  Why'd you leave me there for so long?  I had to pay that crazy lady 300 Baht to call you?"
"You pay her 300 Baht?  OK, I go get it back for you."
"No, just forget it.  I wanna go."
"It OK, I go get back for you."

My girl hands me the bags of food and enters the bar.  I am expecting a cat fight to erupt, but she emerges from the bar a few minutes later along with the skeleton.

The skeleton puts her hands together and wai's me.  I wai back.

"OK, we go now."  My girl says.

We start walking down Soi 4 towards the sky train.  The cat and lizard are both gone.

"Did you get the money back?"
"Yes I get it.  I hold for you OK?"
"What'd you say to her?"
"Nothing.  Just ask for money back and she give."
"That's it?"
"I also say why you charge my boyfriend 300 Baht for phone call when I already give you 300 Baht to watch him for me?"

Little fucker.

"You paid that girl to talk to me?"
"Yes."

Nothing more needed to be said.  My sneaky little shit girlfriend paid the skeleton to talk to me so the other girls would leave me alone.

"You know, that girl said she wanted to kill me in my sleep."
"Really? Aww...no, she say it wrong.  I tell her to say she going to cut off your banana instead."

We walk to the skytrain and head back to our hotel.  The motion of the train makes my girl fall asleep on my shoulder.  I can see her reflection in the window opposite us.  I am still in love with her.  Just a lot more afraid.