Voodoo Dollhouse

Standing on the edge of the Chao Phraya river.  Waiting for one of the express boats to take my girl and I up to Bangkwang prison.  We have decided to visit one of the Western inmates there, after seeing him on a TV show about Farangs locked up in Thai jails.  The guy we intend to visit is a British lad, sentenced to 30 years at the age of 18 for smuggling.  I don't know what I intend to say to him.  Maybe just ask him how he's doing.  To tell me about life in there, and how he is coping.  If anything, to give him a sympathetic ear for a while.
While waiting for the boat, I receive an ill omen, in the form of an animal totem that appears to me just before something catastrophic happens in my life.  It has appeared throughout my life, and I have cultivated my own superstitious belief that it serves as a warning, not a curse.
I tell my girl that I have changed my mind.  I decide to tell her about the animal and expect her to think I'm insane.  Instead, she shrugs, as if I have given a perfectly logical explanation why I can't go now.

Since being with my girlfriend Nok, I have been exposed to a particular version of Theravadan Buddhism that is practiced by many of the rural Thai people.  It mixes ancient animistic beliefs within the structure of the Buddhist religion.  The only thing I can compare it to is Haitian Voodoo, or Santeria.  The dead are all around us.  You just have to train your eye to see them.  The Thai word for these spirits is Phi.

Almost every Thai believes in Phi.  From the Tuk Tuk drivers who are afraid to visit the beaches in Phuket where the Tsunami hit, because it is haunted by the spirits of thousands of dead.  To the Thai Navy Seals unit.
Those who passed the physical tests have to face what trainers call a ''ghost stage''. Trainees are forced to confront a corpse. Then they have to find a document hidden in a coffin.

Many of these Phi are given a home in the Spirit Houses that are found all over Thailand.  A consultation with a monk is often sought over where to best display these miniature votive houses.  The purpose of which is to appease the dead so they don't make problems for the living.  Spirit houses are found everywhere from 5 star hotels, to the top of luxury condos.

Crews building the new airport refused to work after Phi were spotted.  Monks had to be called in to purify the land and get the crews back to work.

The stories are endless.  My favorite being the Thai cop who uses magic to solve crimes.

http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/crimes/34452/old-style-cop-floats-in-the-twilight-zone

Within this context of magical realism, I have adjusted my eyes to see the unseen.   Also, to understand the Thai mind and in particular, my girlfriends, I have decided to go all in, and follow her along while she performs her daily rituals.  First I have to learn from her about the different Phi that are all around us, and know how to handle them.  My girl is convinced that a Phi lives in her apartment.  When I would call her from the USA, she would tell me she is sleeping with the lights on because she can feel it's presence.  None of her Buddha talismans are working.  She needs stronger magic that is only available from one type of person called a Moh Phi, or Ghost Doctor.  I agreed over the phone that I would go with her when I arrived in Bangkok.  Now she is calling in my promise.

The Moh Phi's job is to combat a particularly annoying or even deadly ghost that may inhabit a place or attach itself to a person.  My girl knows a Moh Phi in the Huai Kwang area and we go visit him together.  

The Moh Phi has no eyes.  He's not just blind.  He has no fucking eyes.  I can see the red flesh in the back of his eye sockets.  I can't help but think of all the beggar scams in Bangkok, and that since this guy just happens to have no eyes, some industrious gang put him on the payroll as a ghost hunter instead of a beggar.  His appearance is perfect.  After all, "One doesn't need eyes to see in the spirit world."  I love it.  Bullshit or not.  I love it.  Simply because the guy is far scarier looking than any ghost my girl could have imagined. 

The Moh Phi tells us about the different ghosts that wander and haunt.  Play ticks on us or try to cause our death.  He even hands me a pamphlet (for 100 Baht) that explains the different Phi.

Phi Kraseu is depicted as a female with a head only and entrails hanging out. This is the most feared ghost and she is perpetually on the hunt for dead bodies or human shit,  but will devour live bodies, when their feces is unavailable. She is said to haunt the area around cemeteries and can lower property values in areas around them.  Hard to imagine why. 

The Phi Tai Hong is a ghost with a grudge. These are the spirits of people who have died under bad circumstances, such as murder or traffic accidents or a baby who was stillborn. Their untimely deaths makes them want to vent their wrath on the living.

The Phi Tai Tong Glom is a female who died giving birth and her baby died also. This doubles the evil strength of this spirit, and houses where such an incident occurred are avoided like the plague. This ghost is actually a variant of Phi Tai Hong and is sometimes referred to as Phi Tai Hong Tong Glom.

Phi Pret is a ghost with an insatiable appetite for everything, food, money, power or sex. The cause of this unending desire is that Phi Pret has has a tiny mouth no bigger than a pin hole. Never satiated, Phi Pret is also known as a hungry ghost.  This ghost is widely known and I have heard girls in the bar areas say that a particular man who shags a new girl every night will become a Phi Pret when he dies.

Phi Pop is a spiritual parasite that inhabits the living and feeds off their intestines, much like a tape worm. Usually depicted as a beautiful female, Phi Pop lives on flesh and blood of humans. This ghost is one of the most difficult to get rid of. Mho Phi will perform a spinning dance to catch the attention of Phi Pop and as the dance reaches it's apex, the Phi Pop gets carried away in the whirl wind.

Female tree living spirits are referred to as Phi Nang Mai. In Northern Thailand you will see many trees with cloth wrapped round them to show that it is the home of a spirit. In the past, Buddhist Monks used this fear of tree ghosts by blessing trees and wrapping them with saffron cloth to try and prevent de-forestation. These trees cannot be cut down without first providing an alternative residence for the occupying spirit.

Phi Tanee is a variant of Phi Ton Mai and lives in banana trees. It is said that when the banana tree blossom is about to open these spirits become visible to the naked eye.

After listening to the Moh Phi, and reading the literature, I feel educated about what we are to do battle with.  The Moh Phi asks my girl what type of ghost she saw.  She tells him it was hardly visible but she could feel it.

The  Moh Phi nods and asks her if there are any banana trees near her apartment.  Yes, she tells him.  There is one on the ground floor, just below her window.  The Moh Phi smiles.  I am trying not to look at his face with his empty eye sockets, because he  looks at me directly in the eyes with them and it's freaking me out.

A house call is going to cost a donation of 30,000 Baht.  This will include his prayers, exorcism, whatever fucking amulets, spells, incantations, magic carpets, etc that he uses.  It's a fairly all-inclusive package, for a low low price of roughly 1000 bucks. We agree, and he says he will be by tomorrow.

I can see a wave of relief pass over Nok's face.  This is a small price to pay for my own sanity, as now my girl and I can sleep with the lights off.